| Breaking Up With A Narcissist? Be Prepared For The Battle Of Your Life! While You Are An Emotional Basket Case, He Is As Cold As Ice! | ||
HAS A NARCISSIST COMPLETELY DESTROYED YOU AND ARE YOU NOW STRUGGLING TO UNDERSTAND AND RECOVER? In Dating Game, Narcissists Get the Girl "Narcissists are charming and appealing at first sight, but they are not long-term romantic partners," NARCISSISTIC DIVORCE 5 Tips to Help You Survive Co-Parenting with a Narcissist If you've been paying attention to the media, you likely hear a lot about narcissism. You may know that, in general, a narcissist is excessively preoccupied with personal adequacy, and is mentally unable to see the destructive damage they are causing to themselves and others. It has been suggested that narcissistic personality disorder may be related to defenses against shame. Commonly considered traits include a sense of grandiosity or self-importance and a lack of empathy. Less well recognized are narcissists who view many in their lives as unjust abusers. This type of narcissist is perhaps more insidious because they are initially much less recognizable and may view those in their lives whom they consider "on their side" as initially strongly positive but turn vehemently against them if adverse circumstances arise. Whatever the cause of the narcissist pathology, it is important to know how to deal with one when you must continue a relationship. So much advice focuses upon terminating relationships with narcissists, but the reality, in divorce with minor children, is far different. Although problems may have preceded the separation and divorce, the clear delineation may now lead a narcissist to behave in ways that punish the former spouse and, by clear association, impact the children too. The narcissist may be unwilling to negotiate simple terms in divorce or manage the myriad of post divorce issues that often arise and must be dealt with when children are involved. Unfortunately, the legal and therapeutic systems are not well designed to support either the adults or children when this occurs. Often, the parent who is the target of the narcissist is kept from a clear path to calmer waters, for themselves and the children, by a court system designed only for the most egregious and obvious offenses. Socioeconomic circumstances may protect the narcissist from the glaring eye of society and courts too if they can provide materially well for the children, even if not paying their agreed share of basic expenses, as agreed to in their divorce with the other parent, for example. Even simple scheduling snafus or schedule changes can result in a narcissist continuing along a path of elevated tension and toxicity that clearly impacts children. As parental conflict is the single greatest predictor of children experiencing problems when parents divorce, it is imperative that people have tools to manage this relationship. So, what are real and practical solutions? The answer is likely more complex for an individual situation than can be captured more generally here, but it is important that the non-narcissist parent do these 5 things: 1. Create clear boundaries with a narcissist: Communicate by email and avoid in person or even text communications when possible as an inflammatory and impulsive response is more likely from a narcissist. It is important that you have a clear written record of what is expected and how things will proceed. Do not waver in your resolve when dealing with a narcissist even if they disparage you. They will take advantage of any perceived weakness. You should be prepared to negotiate but know in advance the limits of compromise as a narcissist will use almost any means to convince you they should always have their way. 2. Keep the conflict with the narcissist from your children: Do not disparage the narcissist to your children. They are the other parent of your children and criticizing the narcissist hurts them. If the children experience difficulty with the narcissist, make sure you help them with tools for managing the difficulty without criticizing the narcissist as a person. It may be necessary, when the kids are old enough, to suggest that they will likely need tools to deal with difficult people in their lives and that you can give them some ideas to do that. |
| An extensive US survey found a high association with other disabilities... | |
4. Document, document, document: Having a written record will help you remember that you are dealing rationally and objectively in a very difficult circumstance. This requires you to keep a journal or simple calendar of what occurs so that you can remind the narcissist, if necessary, what the objective reality is. Keeping most of your communication to simple clear email will also create a good record too. The narcissist may not be swayed by logic but, if extreme behavior occurs, a court may need this documentation to act. 5. Seek legal assistance as needed. Do not allow the narcissist to convince you not to get good legal help. If your divorce advisor dismisses you or the situation, find another lawyer or use the resource contained in your divorce agreement to help sort out conflict before it rises to a level that may involve the children. If the children are already aware of the conflict, make certain they have good support too and make sure your legal advisor understands you want the conflict to end as soon as possible to reduce any possible harm to the kids. Ask for a timeline and make sure it is reasonable to be followed by counsel and the courts if needed. This is certainly not an easy path but one that must sometimes be pursued. You will likely still have to be the driving force to reduce the conflict for your kids. In sum, there is no magic bullet for co-parenting with a narcissist. You will likely be their target until, and if, another adversary arises. In the meantime, remind the kids it is not their fight, and that you will do everything you can to protect them from the conflict. Strengthen your resolve and make sure your supports are in place. It may not be easy to co-parent with a narcissist, but with the proper tools you can take good care of your kids and yourself during this difficult time. And, remember, what challenges you now can make you infinitely stronger for the future. Take pride in the way you behave for your children and know that this is the very best you can do as they grow into adulthood. They will be infinitely grateful for that. This Blogger's Books and Other Items from... 5 Tips To Protect Yourself And Your Children From A Narcissistic Parent According to divorcedmoms.com, narcissism is "the personality trait of egotism, vanity, conceit or simple selfishness" and those people who possess this trait are pretty abusive to their children during and after divorce. Hence, it is impossible to co-parent with this type of people who don't understand the word "teamwork." Nevertheless, you can still survive from their complicated behavior and protect your children at the same time with these 5 simple steps: Don't disparagingly talk about narcissist to your children. Be a great role model to your children. Let them realize that although they will experience some difficulties on handling their parent's bad behavior, they can still get through it by controlling their own. Hence, don't bad mouth about narcissist to your children. Instead, just give them some tips or anything that you learned from the past to help them handle everything in a very healthy way. Avoid conflict with a narcissist. Narcissists normally attempt to take exes' attention by initiation conflict. So, the best way to handle this is to avoid face-to-face conversation with the particular person. Contact him/her through email and make it as your primary means of communication. Like Us on Facebook Prepare for the worst. Narcissists hold grudges for a very long time. They don't forgive and forget that easily. These people want revenge and they are good at hurting people, psychologically. Thus, it is important to maintain your cool. Interact with them like you're not affected whatsoever with their behavior. And the best way to this is to prepare yourself ahead of time. Think of the possible responses that he/she might throw on you when you talk in person. Preparing yourself in advance can help you hold your emotions together. Document everything. Breaking a promise is a typical narcissistic behavior. Thus, it is important to seek lawyer's advice and finalize everything through black and white to ensure that promises are kept. Prioritize your children. Co-parenting with a narcissistic person is definitely hard. But always remember that the ultimate goal is for your kids to have a good relationship with both parents. Hence, make the process as amicable as possible. |
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| Breaking Up With A Narcissist? Be Prepared For The Battle Of Your Life! While You Are An Emotional Basket Case, He Is As Cold As Ice! | ||
HAS A NARCISSIST COMPLETELY DESTROYED YOU AND ARE YOU NOW STRUGGLING TO UNDERSTAND AND RECOVER? In Dating Game, Narcissists Get the Girl "Narcissists are charming and appealing at first sight, but they are not long-term romantic partners," The study findings confirm what many experts have long suspected, said Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology at San Diego State University who has written about narcissism. "Narcissists are very good at initiating relationships," she said. "On first-impression, they come across as confident and charming. The problems arise later-on when you realize that he doesn't actually care about you -- it's all about him." Caution is the byword for those attracted to narcissists, both experts agreed. "In the long run, narcissists made bad relationship partners," Twenge said. "They lack empathy and have a difficult time taking someone else's perspective." Self-admiring men attract mates more easily, study finds - Men with high levels of narcissism -- an unrealistically positive self-image coupled with feelings of entitlement -- have an easier time than others attracting a potential mate, "Narcissism is linked to mate appeal in a real-life situation," said Michael Dufner, a researcher at Humboldt University... The research is published in the July issue of the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Dufner and his team first measured narcissism levels in 61 men with an average age of 25, who were invited to join a courtship study- "We focused on narcissism as a personality trait, not the personality disorder," he said. "This means that everybody has a certain narcissism level -- for some it is higher, for others lower." Next, the researchers asked the men to approach women they did not know on the street and get contact information. It could be a phone number, email or Facebook contact... Research assistants followed the men (which the men were aware of), observing the interactions. Dufner decided to focus on men in this study because men traditionally court a potential mate in this way, compared to women's typically more subtle approaches, such as flirting, he said; The narcissistic guys did get the girl more often. The higher the level of narcissism, the more likely they were to get more contacts. "The effect was not due to high self-esteem, but indeed the narcissism," Dufner said. The physical attractiveness and social boldness of the narcissists were the two likely reasons for their appeal to women... |
| An extensive US survey found a high association with other disabilities... | |
Other symptoms in addition to the ones defined by DSM-IV-TR include: Is inter-personally exploitative, takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends, has trouble keeping healthy relationships with others, easily hurt or rejected, appears unemotional, and exaggerating special achievements and talents, setting unrealistic goals for himself/herself. Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by an over-inflated sense of self-importance, as well as dramatic, emotional behavior that is in the same category as antisocial and borderline personality disorders. In addition to these symptoms, the person may display arrogance, show superiority, and seek power. The symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder can be similar to the traits of individuals with strong self-esteem and confidence; differentiation occurs when the underlying psychological structures of these traits are considered pathological. Narcissists have such an elevated sense of self-worth that they value themselves as inherently better than others, when in reality they have a fragile self-esteem, cannot handle criticism, and often try to compensate for this inner fragility by belittling or disparaging others in an attempt to validate their own self-worth. Comments and criticisms about others are vicious from sufferers of NPD, in an attempt to boost their own poor self-esteem. Another narcissist symptom is a lack of empathy. They are unable to relate, understand, and rationalize the feelings of others. Instead of behaving in a way that shows how they are feeling in the moment, they behave in the way that they feel they are expected to behave or that gives them the most attention. An extensive US survey found a high association with other disabilities, especially amongst men: mental disability, substance use, mood, anxiety disorders and other personality disorders, bipolar I disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, |
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